A couple of weeks ago, I had an appointment to see my GP . The sertraline had stopped working, and I wasn't sleeping again. So, rather than put me on two different medications, the GP decided to take me off the high dose of Sertraline, and put me on a low dose 20mgs of Paroxetine, with an appointment to follow in 3 weeks time, just before Xmas to see how I was adjusting.
Not a good time, as well as having more and more anxiety attacks, I was plagued by thoughts of killing myself and just finishing it. In my head it was perfectly rational thoughts such as 'Well, if I'm not here anymore, I don't have to keep going through this. I don't have to keep making my family and loved ones miserable because I can't control my emotions, and if I'm not here anymore, they don't have to deal with me. Simple' . Except, we all know it's not. I reported these thoughts to my GP at my follow-up appointment, and he doubled my dose of Paroxetine. I also admitted to him that I'd been self medicating with my fiance's Clonazepam to help me sleep, and so he gave me up to 10 days worth of 2mg Clonazepam pills, with instructions to take no more than 3 a day. And yet another follow-up appointment.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
My Diagnosis and the realization of what it meant
Back in October of 2013, having just recovered from having my Gallbladder removed, I found over a period of weeks that I was finding it more and more difficult to sleep. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, shaking uncontrollably, with my heart pounding. It was as though I was waking up from a nightmare, though I was pretty certain no nightmare had taken place. Needless to say, I found it odd.
It was when these episodes of shaking and heart pounding began to happen in the daytime too, that I first realized that there was a problem. It was about that time that I realized that I just had no interest in anything that I used to find enjoyment in - in fact, no interest in anything, period. I would have bouts of crying, my palms would sweat, my heart would pound and my body would shake uncontrollably. After a discussion with my GP, I was diagnosed with depression and given a prescription for Citalopram.
It was when these episodes of shaking and heart pounding began to happen in the daytime too, that I first realized that there was a problem. It was about that time that I realized that I just had no interest in anything that I used to find enjoyment in - in fact, no interest in anything, period. I would have bouts of crying, my palms would sweat, my heart would pound and my body would shake uncontrollably. After a discussion with my GP, I was diagnosed with depression and given a prescription for Citalopram.
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